When An Aging Parent’s Needs Begin to Change: Planning Before a Crisis

The holidays have a way of bringing families together. They can also make changes in an aging parent or other family member more noticeable. Perhaps Mom seems a little less confident behind the wheel. Dad is having difficulty keeping track of bills. A once-spotless house isn’t quite as well maintained. Or maybe nothing is obviously wrong, but you find yourself becoming more involved in your parents’ finances, healthcare or day-to-day decisions. While these changes don’t necessarily signal a crisis, they can provide a valuable opportunity to start planning.

Start before decisions become urgent

Families understandably tend to postpone these discussions. Conversations involving money, health, independence, and mortality can be uncomfortable. Unfortunately, waiting can make the eventual decisions much more difficult and create significantly more stress. Consider a family trying to determine where an aging parent should live immediately following a hospitalization. At the same time, they may be trying to understand the parent’s finances, locate insurance information, determine who has authority to make decisions, and figure out what level of care the family can afford.  

Alternatively, consider a family that has discussed these issues beforehand. They may not know exactly what the future holds, but they understand their parents’ wishes, know where important information is located, and know who will take responsibility for different decisions. The goal isn’t to predict every eventuality. It’s to prepare before a crisis limits your choices. 

Consider a family meeting

At Truepoint, we’ve found that a family meeting can be one of the most effective ways to begin these conversations. A family meeting doesn’t have to resolve every question in one sitting. Its purpose can simply be to make sure everyone understands the current situation and knows what needs to happen next. Depending on the family’s circumstances, the conversation might include:

• Parents and adult children
• Other family members who may eventually provide care
• A financial advisor
• An estate planning attorney
• A CPA or other professional advisor

The important thing is to create an environment where parents can communicate their wishes and family members can ask questions before circumstances force them to make stressful decisions quickly. 

Talk about more than money

Some of the most important questions aren’t financial at all. Overwhelming, most older adults would prefer to age in place. But what if a “Plan B” were necessary? How important is staying close to family? Do preferred community options carry waiting lists and if so, what is the duration?  

Note: it is not atypical for waiting lists to extend multiple years so simply getting on a waiting list can provide valuable flexibility down the road.  

Who would the parents want involved in healthcare decisions? How do they feel about receiving help in their home and what options exist for in-home care? If one child lives nearby and another lives several states away, how might responsibilities be divided? These conversations can help adult children understand what their parents need and prefer, as well as what they own. 

They can also uncover differences among family members while there’s still time to work through them thoughtfully. These questions can also reveal an important issue for members of the “Sandwich Generation”—people simultaneously helping aging parents while continuing to support children or grandchildren.

Providing financial assistance to family members is something many people genuinely want to do. But increased travel, time away from work, home modifications, caregiving expenses or assisted-living costs can begin affecting your own financial plan. Helping your parents shouldn’t mean ignoring the impact on your own retirement and financial security. Understanding the resources available to everyone involved can help the family make more sustainable decisions. 

A different kind of planning

Planning for an aging parent is sometimes described as “eldercare planning.” We think there may be a more useful way to look at it. It’s preparation for a family transition. Aging is rarely a single event. Responsibilities gradually shift. Adult children become more involved. Healthcare needs change. Financial priorities evolve. Eventually, one generation may begin helping manage matters that their parents always handled themselves. These transitions can be financially and emotionally challenging. But they tend to be easier when families communicate before decisions become urgent.  

As families gather this fall and during the upcoming holidays, pay attention to what may have changed since the last time everyone was together. If you find yourself wondering whether it’s time to become more involved, that instinct may be worth following. You don’t need to have all the answers. 

Sometimes the best first step is simply starting the conversation. At Truepoint, we work with clients and their families to navigate the financial and personal decisions that accompany aging and caregiving. If changes in your family have raised questions about what comes next, our team can help you think through the issues and determine the appropriate next steps.